Its time to love.

2008-07-24T00:17:00.000-07:00

I see that my blog have been super slow to publish what i've post.
Maybe i shall change my whole blog.
People around starts to KNOW my blog when i DON'T.
But to think again. I don't care much.

The main thing is my blog is being slow!
It'll take one DAY to publish out.
So. yeah.. MIGHT change my blog AGAIN.

I'm sorry to get you upset.
I won't do it again.

2008-07-22T20:35:00.000-07:00

Wasn't being a very good girl after school reopen.
Only people around me knows. =D

Went to STEFF house.
Didn't had anything to do.
He start asking one question which made shin 'glow'.
He asked if we want to eat kit-kat or some chocolates.
Of course we would say alright.
HELLO! its chocolates! *smiles*

Let me ask, If someone asked if you want chocolates or not.
You'll think of a small box or small piece kind right?
Steff just came in with this BOX of kit-kat.
I bold the BOX. Those kind you go 7-11,
A box that all the chocolates put bar by bar.
HE BROUGHT IT IN THE BOX!
Which i shall say. IT ISN'T OPEN BEFORE!

Of course we were eating happily.
Then he start asking me and shin whether we would want CHOCOLATE CAKE.
So we just asked for a piece.
After awhile his mother came in with a PLATE of buns and curry puff.
SOON after his dad came back.
Another CHOCOLATE WAFFLE BISCUITS.

See how many things we can eat at stef house.?
CHOCOLATE?!

Don't want to forget to BLOG this.
BEST PART EVER.
I went to the toilet for a moment and go back to his room.
There is this particular photo stand on top of the monitor screen.
Wonder what is it?
TA-DA!

Isn't he CUTE?!
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!.
Bet he'll come complain and get his face red!
He want me to compliment him.
So i shall write some compliment stuff.
His house its nice.
His a nice guy.
With lots of CHOCOLATES to eat .
A guy that can attract PRETTY girls. =D
Hey stef! I'm serious. She is kinda pretty.
Don't be choosy! =p
End of the blog about YOU. =p

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Ever wonder why would MOST girls likes to go out shopping?
Likes to put on make up and go out?
When i feel so irritated even if one pound of powder on my face.!
Going shopping, looking for clothes.
Is it really that fun?
Its really tiring for me.
I'M SERIOUS!
Okay. I do shoppings and time.
Its when i think i need some nice plain clothings.
But its like. ONCE in a while.

Seeing me with make ups.
You'll just have to wait for long then.
Asking me to wear heels out with friends.
That is a NO WAY!.
But i do envy at some girls of how they wear.
Its pretty nice.
Just that i don't really suit to be like them. =D
Clothings that i have.
Mainly its all the same. Or i do some changes to it.
Seeing me go shopping.. Its a weird for me.
BUT if you ask me out to play. I might not be tiring for me. HAHAH.

Things might get dead there is you don't do anything.
Misunderstanding may occur.
Just stay how it is.
Its the best for everything now.

2008-07-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

Buddy has been always been there for me.
Every single time. When i got into trouble, Or broke down.
He is always been there.
Listening to all the shitty things.
And end up he tried to cheer me up in some silly ways.

But at the same time, I hurt him deeply each time when things happen.
I wasn't aware because of my selfish thoughts.

Few years ago. I was with him.
Happily attached. Because of luke.
He sacrifice his love. When it really hurts him deep.
He must be feeling so much pain listening me being with or break with a guy.
He always wonder why he couldn't get a second chance like any other i gave.
He always remember what happen between me and him few years back.
What we did together. Even thought its only 3 weeks.
He remember every single things two years ago when we're together only 3 weeks.
This proves that how much he had loved me.

But now, I believe he has fallen in love with a girl.
And i believe the girl would love him too.
Please let her love, cover his pain for two years.
Don't ever let him feel the pain he got from two years ago happen again.

We always missed our chance of saying how we feel.
Now you won't feel this way because you're in love with another girl.
Now we're in love with someone. Please let us continue being buddy-for-life.
I don't wish our buddy-ship to be gone for the whole two years.

2008-07-18T21:57:00.000-07:00

Went to watch movie with dearest.
The dark knight.
The movie was kinda nice.
Joker actor was awesome!
But too bad his dead now.
' You played well. RIP '

The movie last 2 hour plus.
Kinda long movie.
But its worth to watch it.

STEPH IS A BAD GUY!
STOP DISTURBING ME!. =D
Even though you might be a cute and nice guy.
Doesn't mean you can bully me! =p
Or else i'll say out things that i shouldn't say. =D

Worth to be trusted.
Once betrayed. Its hard to be trust again. <3

2008-07-17T20:52:00.000-07:00

I'm sick.
FLU!
Darn. Sick like hell.
Shin accompany me to see doctor today.
Dearest come after that.
Sneezing non stop.
Tissue used finish.
All over the table i can say.

Still feeling abit sick now.
But hoping to get better tonight.

Your loves keep me warm.

2008-07-12T16:37:00.000-07:00

Its abit weird for me to say this.
Oh well. I bet he'll be happy to see this.
I MISS MY SILLY BOYFRIEND. =D

Got pull to his house yesterday.
Due to his parents want to look at me.
Never have this kind of things happen to me before.
I was so embarrassed!

Dearest, thank you for your love. =)

2008-07-12T00:50:00.000-07:00

At times, Things we don't know. Its because we didn't tell.
But when we knows, we tend to avoid, face it or make use of it.

Sometimes we don't need to know every single things about people feeling.
It'll end up hurting someone, Or made someone happy.

Which part is it that is good or bad?
Its surprise to know things about someone.
Something that you never knew it could happen.

Just have to treasure things around you,
Before its gone with one blink.

love. what is it meant for us about?

2008-07-08T22:41:00.000-07:00

Fuck fuck fuck.
All i can say is FUCK!
I'm too angry to say anything.
I'm too angry that all i can do is cry.

FUCK.

2008-07-05T13:01:00.000-07:00

When to get new phone . N 81
Didn't plan to get that in the first place.
The rest of the phone is either ex or not my type.
I'll have to take real good care of the phone.

Dearest keep asking me to get the same phone as him.
N95! You must be crazy. Its so ex.
More shocking, HE IS PLANNING TO CHANGE IT!
Crazy enough huh? When everyone trying to get that phone.
And his planning to change it to some other phones.

Went to Joseph's house and play.
Took some photos. Quite enjoy.
But something happen after when i'm going home.
He hug me from behind.!
I freaking nearly slap him.
He didn't know how to use his brain and think. GOSH!

Dearest don't really blame me.
But i do care! I don't like this!
TOTALLY NOT AT ALL!.
Making me creep up and everything.
*BANG WALLS!*

I get crazy when i talk about it. ARH!!
DARN HIM! ARH! EEE!!!

WHINY WHINY WHINY.

2008-07-02T19:23:00.000-07:00

Reflection-Christina Aguilera (Mulan)

Originally this song sang by Christina.
But i prefer Mulan Version.
Oh well. This song sure have a meaning behind it.

Sometime i think there a times i won't hold back more then i move forward.
I keep protect myself so much. That i didn't know if i would hurt anyone.
There will always be some hesitation of speaking out what we always want.
There will always be a white lie. Just to hide some stuff.
Sometime, hearing the truth hurt and the more you don't wish to know anything.
Sometime you'll just wish you cover your ear and not hear anything.
Take it as nothing happen and hope to run far away from it.

Sometime i just hide my emotion too hard.
Looks can be deceiving moreover, don't judge a book by cover.
I always feel like crying when i hug someone.
I feel so safe. But at the same time, I'll be afraid it'll disappear in a blink.

Buddy is always worried for me,
Afraid i might fall for the wrong guy again.
Worried i'll be hurt again.
But he was always there for me. Cheering me up.
BEST BUDDY EVER!

2008-06-30T01:35:00.000-07:00

More Than Words.

It use to be my All time favorite song.
I use to enjoy listening to this song.
But after Graduation and Break up.

I'll feel like tearing down.
I cried this once in front of my good friends in class.
We talks about how are we going to be separate.
Where are we going to be.
What will we be doing in future.
Will we miss the fun.
Jokes and laughter.
I really really miss all the dearest times.
I'm really happy that i met them.
They were my joy.

He use to promise me that he'll sing this song to me on my birthday.
End up. He broken his promise again.
That is why, I never believe in promise from the start.
He was my longest.
He made me use up every single energy of mine just to confront him.
He was my sweetest.
He made me talk to him directly.
He made me become more gentle.
He made me open up my heart.
Now that we're over.
We walk our life like nothing happen..

I'm going to let go this lingering feeling.
Moving to someone who will be giving me happiness.
Even though he might not be the kind i was hoping to get.
A guy that won't know how to play guitar.
A guy that won't be speaking much of English.
But i believe his a guy that will be able to dote and care for me.
A guy that will give me secure.
Even without me asking for.
I'm going to gain back what i lost.

Sometime I'm too shy just to let you know how i feel.

2008-06-27T19:06:00.000-07:00

Lets just say that this week for me is abit depress?

I'm feeling abit sick. Coughing none stop. Block nose at time.
GPA points is out. Got quite low. 1.923. It really depress me alot.
Relationship stress out. Phobia is holding myself. Self protective.
Friendship break down. Quarrels not settled.
Totally broke. Wallet left a bit of money.

5 Things made me so depress for just like few days after camp.
Maybe getting sick isn't making me depress.
But the rest were making me feeling down.
Lack of energy. Running away from problems.
Giving excuses. I really don't know what i'm doing.
I've got no idea what do i really want now.
I feel so stress out. Can't rely on buddy much.
Friends got their own problems.
What should i do?

Getting depress over and over again.
Explaining things that no idea if i'm right or wrong.
tell me what should i do...

2008-06-23T19:34:00.000-07:00

Finish camp today.
Very tired.
Didn't really have enough sleep each nights.
Third day rain and coach wasn't feeling well.
Went cycling with teammates.

BBQ at night.
Eating, slacking, talking.
Enjoying talking to eat person.

After BBQ, Some incident happens.
quarrels occur.
Tears were shed.
Was sad for that.

Last day of camp.
Everyone was enjoying themselves at the beach.
Got a bit sun burn.
Played some games in the water.
The very last game, another incident happen.

Things starting to change.
Parties quarreling with each other.
Seems like quarreling one thing after another.
Getting more and more to no links.

All i can do now is to pray hard everything will be alright.
Pray hard people change to a better one.
Being more understanding ones.

praying hard from my deepest heart.
Please let nothing bad happen.

2008-06-20T00:57:00.000-07:00

Just came back from KL today.
Damn tired.
Guess falling sick soon.
Got to go for camp tomorrow.
Sure going to be dead.

Before heading to KL,
Went back to hometown for a visit.
Went shopping and singing with cousins.
Finally took some pictures with them ever since so long!
Might upload another time...

Went to KL for basketball friendly match.
Didn't get to play.
Abit disappointed.
At least had fun around with the team i guess.
Real fun hanging out with them.
If they aren't around, i might quit basketball already.
Thanks alot CE Boomers.

A bit of conflict and misunderstanding happen.
With other people and with own people.
Once a CE, Always a CE.

There's camp tomorrow.
Hopefully everything will be alright.

Was watching some videos.
Came across this boy that plays guitar damn well!
My mouth was like wide open.
I want to be like him!
Guess i'll just have to practice guitar more on my own then.

Watch this! There's alot more. But this is one my favorite song.

2008-06-10T00:27:00.000-07:00

Holidays here.
Bored yet fun.
Basketball getting more and more fun.

Camps, Trips, Visit.
Getting busy more and more.
Hoping more and more FUN things around.

My aim, ' Smile all i want ' =)

Even though there might be things there will get me down.
Actions of hurt.
Word of insult.

I'll be strong.

Confusing about things..
What should i do?

2008-06-04T23:41:00.000-07:00

I've been abit down this few days.
Money problem i guess.
Now i'm paying double for it. Damn sad.

At the same time,
I've been thinking if i got a crush on Someone.
Also at the same time, I think we're just friends.
Someone who got someone loved and love someone.

Guess i'm taking a step back, Just in case.

Also at the same time,
Wondering if i should go with someone or not.
The last time i got into relationship was last year Christmas.
Its been around 6 months now.
Doesn't seems to have the feeling to have one.

I'm losing hope in a relationship.

Even if i fall in love,
I doubt that i'll go with that person.
I rather being in love getting hurt.
Rather then getting hurt in a Relationship.
Makes no sense?
I'm confuse myself also...

Contradicting myself in my own thinking. Silly thinking.

2008-06-01T23:34:00.000-07:00

I feel that I'm struggling.
Struggle for a way to a place with no worries.
Nothing to confuse with.

Money, Relationship, Friendships.
If this continue, i might just collapse anytime.
Holding this every since i step in ITE.

I need to work.
I need to find a solution.
I really need to do sometime before more things happen.

I might fall in love with you...

2008-05-31T00:09:00.000-07:00

I just want to shout out.

I'M SO IN A BAD MOOD!

2008-05-29T22:23:00.000-07:00

WOOTS!
Today is Cindy's birthday!
HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY CINDY!
Hope you've enjoy your day with us today.

Went to Bugis with jie hui and friends after passing up EES project.
Saw Adriano ( CCS ) working.. If i didn't spell his name wrongly.
Cindy's favorite star.
She was damn happy as she get to take photo with him.
Getting HIGH and everything.
Went to some restaurant near the place he work to eat.
There were this promotion saying that birthday people get to drink one giant cup of MILK TEA!
Wondering how big can it get?

THIS BIG!!!!!!!!!
The happy birthday girl with the HUGE cup!!

Not convince enough?.....

Shin with the cup!
Even though she didn't knew i took the picture with her in.
Wei ben was abit cut off.

All of us drank like shit.
Its so huge!!!!

HAHAHA...

_________________________________________________________________

Few days ago went to coach house to take some clothes.
SAW HER DOG! Shin's favorite type of dog.
Shih tzu with poodle!
And it forms to SHIH POO!
Sounds stupid right? that's why shin told me.
HAHA..

So lets meet VE~!

Its so cute right? See how blur the dog is.
How the dog settle down with coach.
Its so damn cute.!!!
AND HER BOYFRIEND GOT A CHOW CHOW!

I'm so jealous.!!!
I've got no idea why they say chow chow look ugly.
ITS SO FREAKING CUTE!!!
I WANT A DOG MOM!

But not now.. due to Teddy's death. =(

2008-05-26T23:14:00.000-07:00

Today training was cancel.
I was chosen to go K.L for friendly match.
THAT was the happy part.

Some how, SHE suddenly went all EMO the whole time.
WHICH cause everyone thought i told her something.
I got no idea what happen.
She went cry and not explaining things properly.
Causing misunderstand PLUS making me feel like crying too.

Basketball Buddy came and talk to me.
Obviously she knew something happen.
ALSO i can't hide anything from her.
It just happen in front of her.
How would she not know anything that happen.

Funny thing is, while she was emo the whole time,
After buddy talk to her.
She become all cheerful like nothing happen..
That's a good thing right?

No idea what can i say...

2008-05-25T19:56:00.000-07:00

Man, yesterday made me feel so relax going out with them.
April and maria. Just seems so long that we haven't hang out.
Its like SUPER long... !! haha..

went to borders to look out some books.
We were so tempted to buy some books.
But then, We were so broke.
So we just sit one corner and read a few page.

So we went around window shopping around far east..
OH YEAH!. then saw my classmate RAFFEE there!!
He look so adorable . HAHA..
Yups, So we went to wisma... TOP SHOP!
Okay, First of all, I don't really like shopping.
Also! I'll hardly see clothing that i like.
So i tried out this two tops....

The purple one, looks kinda nice. Might consider getting it.
Which cost like $ 19..

BUT!! the green/blue, cost $63!!!!
MAN!! I really like it alot.
WHICH is a rare thing for me.. =(
SAD! oh well, guess there will be another time.

There is still more photos to upload.
But i'll have to wait for april to send it to me.

April! I'm waiting for the photos! :D

2008-05-23T20:52:00.000-07:00

I just came back from training and Adidas sales!
I love Adidas! So happy!!!
But then, mum and dad doesn't seems to be very happy.
Even though i told them that its having sales and cheap.

Guess they didn't know how ex can Sports wear be. :(

Anyway, put that aside. I shall show you what did i get!!! :D

This Black shirt cost me $15!!

Green shirt $15!!!

Guess how much i bought and Adidas bag?
I can't imagine the price what ONLY..........!!!!

Can you guess how much this bag can cost?

It only cost me.... $29!!!!
Can you believe it?!

There is this nice towel. But out of stock.
SAD!! its really nice. It only cost like $ 6?!
Man.. I want it!! I'm going to search for it again! Hahah.
I'm crazy over Adidas!! :D

2008-05-22T20:49:00.000-07:00

I'm officially saying that I'm not going to be with her.
I can't imagine me going with her.
And i think I'm not going to be one.

But that doesn't mean I'll just go accept any guys.
Maybe the answer to me was i just don't want get into relationship for now?
Or just that there isn't any guy for me.

Moral of everything.
I'm sorry, i can't be with you.
I only can treat you as my friend.
Sorry.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, Happy Birthday To Swan!
Yesterday may be a sorrow for you.
Today you have lots of fun around.
Kisses from someone,
Love from her.

Don't think too much, We're always there for you.

CE!!! BOOM!!!!!!!!

2008-05-18T19:35:00.000-07:00

Am i really starting to give up hope on guys already?
I don't seems much interest when i see handsome guys.
Or can i say, i didn't bother about looking at guys anymore?

If i go with her, i somehow have full of confidence that we'll last quite some time.
But when i think of me going with some guys, I'm so lacking of confidence with them.
Am i thinking too much?

If i go with her, after we broke up.
Can i still turn back of being straight?
I don't want to do things that i am going to regret.
I don't want end up crying in one corner looking depress.

Sometimes, her face will pop in my mind.
Thinking how she smiles.
Flash back few days ago about she taking my bag.
Her looks was so happy.

They encourage her to cut how her hair looks like when she's younger.
In my heart. I discourage her doing that.
It doesn't fits her at all.

I'm stressing myself up.
I'm picking back up my bad habits.
Doing things that is not necessary.

I love her? or just a friend ? -y.r

2008-05-15T21:06:00.000-07:00

When i say its time to love, I didn't meant to be lesbian.
Comes to the surprise, and FIRST TIME OUT OF MY 16 YEARS!!!
a GIRL like me!!!

Shocking? I'm shock for myself too.
Though i still prefer guys..
I've never thought of becoming one at all!
Not in my life.

Most stressful time in my life!
AS IN RELATIONSHIP.
Can't imagine i become one at all!

To be or not to be...

2008-05-09T21:02:00.000-07:00

Three training in a week.
Does that sound a lot for you?
Two days on balls, One day in gym.

Guess coach really want to push us up.
But, i don't have that much confident if i can do it or not.
Competition coming in TWO MONTHS TIME!
No idea who play which position.
Or either who will be the main or the bench warmer.
Just have to do our best i guess.

Been home late this few times.
Mother complain and now telling me that she's going to see my teacher this week.
She doesn't even understand what am i doing in school.
I admit. I can go home after school. But i don't want too.
I don't talk to my parents at home. I can't use phone much.
But i really need to talk to someone when i am having trouble.
Who will be there?

I don't speak out what i wanted to say each time.
Each time i counter back, I'll get more.
Then more misunderstanding happens.
And things might get worst each time.

When will they fully trust me that i won't do silly stuff.
I know my limits. I'll be home before 10. That's for sure.
But somehow, because of my sisters, I'm unable to get things this way.
Things isn't easy to handle now. At times, just feel like crying.
But i just have to hold on in my heart i guess.. :)

2008-05-08T00:06:00.000-07:00

Came back home late due to training and dinner with basketball mates.
Training was fun. Getting to closer to ' juniors ' .
Hope there won't be any spoiler.

Things happen around.
Not sure weather to be happy about it or sad.
Feel kinda lost.
Or maybe i think too much.

Don't get high hopes if you don't intend to give them hope.
So that the disappointment will reduce to the least.
I assume that he gave his feelings already..
Kinda happy for him not to waste any more time on me.
Thank you for everything.. =)
Guess you were a good friend of mine for the time being.

Love or not, I don't care much now..

2008-05-06T22:31:00.000-07:00

OKAY!

New blog means new life to share with.

Mainly i've been busy with my friends and myself.
Was kinda a caught up with some stuff and i'm confusing myself.
I've got no idea what people think of me. BUT!!!!!! Hope its not something bad.

Trying to cope myself with basketball and my friends.
New blog skin. But its not what i wanted. Trying to design one myself.
Like what they said, don't let it go a waste for what you've learn. =D